March 17

Unexplained BIOS settings, part 1.

BIOSSpread Spectrum – Turns the spurious radio emissions from a PC from one big lump around 680MHz (and harmonics) that you can tune out with a notch filter into an ungodly mess across the whole radio spectrum that you haven’t a chance in hell of filtering out and will increase the noise floor for absolutely everything.

Also known asSystem Unstability Control” {on|off}

March 10

Windows Haiku

IBM ATImagine if instead of cryptic, geeky text strings, your computer produced error messages in haiku… with poetic message softening the terror of your loss…

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

March 3

The Programmers Prayer.

IBM ATOur program, who art in memory,
Called by they name;

Thy operating system run;
Thy function be done at runtime
as it was in development.

 

Give us this day our debugged output,
And forgive us our code duplication,
As we forgive those who duplicate code against us.
And lead us not into frustration;
But deliver us from GOTOs.
For thine is the algorithm,
The computation, and the solution
Looping forever and ever.
return()

February 24

Cynical Wisdom

 

A fool and his money are soon partying.
Money can’t buy love. But it can rent a very close imitation.
Eagles may soar, but weasels aren’t sucked into jet engines.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles
Two wrongs are only the beginning
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before
Change is inevitable….except from vending machines
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow
Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands….
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route
Everybody repeat after me…..”We are all individuals.”
Death to all fanatics!
Chastity is curable, if detected early
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener
Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now
Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back
Beware of geeks bearing gifs
Half the people you know are below average
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you